I decided to look up all the different types of depression and I realized I fell under the title "Dysthymia". This is "a chronic mood disorder that falls within the depression spectrum. It is considered a chronic depression, but with less severity than major depressive disorder. This disorder tends to be a chronic, long-lasting illness. Dysthymia is a type of low-grade depression"
And then I read more about it and i was like oh crap, that sounds like me. i don't know what my deal is. i mean, some stuff has happened in my life, but there is people who live much worse than i do, who don't have food, or a home. How can you not have food!?!?! It is for this reason that i try to be happy but i can't. I am hurting very much. And I don't even allow people to love me, even when they want to. I don't know what I want. I feel by myself and stuck. I keep trying to start over and cut my past away, but if i keep starting over I won't have anything left and I'll eventually die.. I feel like everything skipped me- love, adventure, life. i feel like im just here doing earth bound things like school until i have to go. and i am too scared to commit suicide so im screwed. :I
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