I'm not really sure how I found out what ugly is, but that is what I see when I look at myself. Somehow, society has wired both my eyes and my mind. Now no matter how hard I try to rebel or say that dumb phrase "it's about the inside, not the out", I really can't. I used to think that people who said that only want to be with a hot guy or girl were bad, shallow people. But they are only human. I'm ugly as hell and I want a hot boyfriend, too. But I can't have one. The reason I know this is because everything can be figured out through simple social calculations. I don't know everything that will happen, but I know a lot of things that WON'T happen. The fact that I know this sucks. What am I supposed to do? This is why I've been feeling very angry lately. I need a little surprise. I want to meet someone who throws all those calculations out the door. People say "it's okay, you will meet someone" and I'm like how is it that you're psychic and I'm not?? But I am still young, right? I feel like I might as well be 60 instead of 18. When it comes to me, there is no difference. I am not enjoying my youthful days so just skip it!!! Sorry if I sound bitter. I am very pessimistic these days... OK.
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