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Thursday, 12 March 2009

a few poems.

Timeless For a Minute

Before Time hears us,

and takes grandma’s heart,

Daddy’s job,

Our youth,

And this moment,

I can whisper,

underneath

the merciless minutes,

“forever.”

Scientist

Blaming the nest

for my frustration,

I fly into the night

only

to confirm

that Earth is indeed

round.

This So-Called Beauty Within

On the inside is much

too close to her kiss.

Under the silk of her epidermis,

Just behind appealing eyes

Bubbling beneath her girlish figure

Too easy

when the inside is so close to the out.

No, I am sure, slick one,

you have not seen it.

Lead Crystal

Stickers in sparkly inspiration

stuck to the face of my notebook

and the mouth of my elders,

make me rubber

and bounce me back.

Again, again and again

I rise into a new way of falling,

each time wishing

I was lead crystal.
Oh No, Am I DEPRESSED!?!

I decided to look up all the different types of depression and I realized I fell under the title "Dysthymia". This is "a chronic mood disorder that falls within the depression spectrum. It is considered a chronic depression, but with less severity than major depressive disorder. This disorder tends to be a chronic, long-lasting illness. Dysthymia is a type of low-grade depression"

And then I read more about it and i was like oh crap, that sounds like me. i don't know what my deal is. i mean, some stuff has happened in my life, but there is people who live much worse than i do, who don't have food, or a home. How can you not have food!?!?! It is for this reason that i try to be happy but i can't. I am hurting very much. And I don't even allow people to love me, even when they want to. I don't know what I want. I feel by myself and stuck. I keep trying to start over and cut my past away, but if i keep starting over I won't have anything left and I'll eventually die.. I feel like everything skipped me- love, adventure, life. i feel like im just here doing earth bound things like school until i have to go. and i am too scared to commit suicide so im screwed. :I
When I Look In the Mirror

I'm not really sure how I found out what ugly is, but that is what I see when I look at myself. Somehow, society has wired both my eyes and my mind. Now no matter how hard I try to rebel or say that dumb phrase "it's about the inside, not the out", I really can't. I used to think that people who said that only want to be with a hot guy or girl were bad, shallow people. But they are only human. I'm ugly as hell and I want a hot boyfriend, too. But I can't have one. The reason I know this is because everything can be figured out through simple social calculations. I don't know everything that will happen, but I know a lot of things that WON'T happen. The fact that I know this sucks. What am I supposed to do? This is why I've been feeling very angry lately. I need a little surprise. I want to meet someone who throws all those calculations out the door. People say "it's okay, you will meet someone" and I'm like how is it that you're psychic and I'm not?? But I am still young, right? I feel like I might as well be 60 instead of 18. When it comes to me, there is no difference. I am not enjoying my youthful days so just skip it!!! Sorry if I sound bitter. I am very pessimistic these days... OK.

Wednesday, 07 January 2009

The Risk of Telling THAT Secret...

Are you this person...? You have a friend, who is not really close to you, but you talk to him/her because they don't have many friends and they are a pretty nice person. One day, unexpectedly, this mild friend of yours tells you they want to talk to you privately because they have a big secret to tell you.

OR are you the person with the big secret? If you are this person, it can really suck. No matter what the secret is, it is probably one of your deepest ones and you're telling this friend because you want you guys to become closer. You're hoping that the person will reveal something big about themselves to you. And it will be a nice, intimate thing. Sometimes, it may work...But most of the time, you will end up feeling dumb and you will regret telling the secret. That person could either avoid you after that or end up telling their actual best friends about it. It's a messy situation....And it's all because you wanted to force that person into becoming a close friend with you.

If you are the first person I mentioned and you're a nice person, you will have to deal with the mild friend coming to you all the time saying "remember that thing I told you? Well now THIS happened..." And you'll wonder why she/he decided to tell YOU about this when you never asked.

You should be careful who you tell your secrets to. You don't want to become vulnerable and give too much, when you're not getting it in return. If you're going to disclose information about yourself, you should expect something in return.

Ok.

Saturday, 03 January 2009

Sex For Teens

I'm a teenager myself, but it might be kinda weird talking about this as if I'm some old wise person, but this is what I think. I feel like when two young people are together and feel like they are genuinely in love, they think there's nothing left to do but have sex. After they met and shared secrets and met each other's family, I feel like they think it's now OK because they've been together for a while unlike some kids who just screw random people. I think even for those people who are in love, they should wait. They shouldn't feel like sex is the next step at such a young age. They should just enjoy their time together and go through experiences. Like take a trip or something. I guess it really depends on how much you value sex though. For me, I feel like I'd have to seriously seriously, psychotically, I'm about to die in love with a guy for like a lot of years straight before I have sex with him. But who knows? Maybe I'll meet some cool guy and everything I wrote would just be crap. I'm just saying what I think. Sex is so weird. The way it is structured, it seems like the guy is attacking the girl. The hurts the girl a lot and I don't know, I just think you should wait. This if for all the young in love couples. NOT the crazy freaks who just do people for no reason. That's just nasty. Seriously.